Wednesday, April 18, 2012

There is a big difference between "friend" and "facebook friend" -MID APRIL STATUSES

  • It's the saddest thing when someone you know becomes someone you knew.
  • Like if you remember only having 3 TV channels to choose from and YOU were the remote!
  • The side effects of the medicine I'm on include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.
  • My Internet just went down... Looks like I gonna have to settle for f@cking my wife
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance!
  • If you ever want someone to call you back, leave a message saying: "Hey! I've got extra tickets to"....and hang up. Works every time.
  • Go deep throat a cactus.
  • There is a big difference between "friend" and "facebook friend"
  • Getting a face tattoo in college is like majoring in unemployment.
  • Cops don't like it when you ask them "Need some help?" especially when you're wearing a Batman costume.
  • I'm not sure about you guys, but I'm pretty sure if she can sell seashells by the sea shore, she also has pretty big boobs.
  • Please don't bore your friends with your troubles and worries. Tell your enemies instead, who will be delighted to hear about them.
  • If you love someone, let them know often. Because you might not be able to say it again. Also, same thing works for people you f*cking hate.
  • Like if you remember only having 3 TV channels to choose from and YOU were the remote!
  • A good way to breakup with your girlfriend is to introduce her as your ex girlfriend at parties. It softens the blow.
  • Some rude idiot just interrupted my afternoon nap by honking his horn just because the light turned green.
  • Kids growing up today will never know what its like to have no internet, no cell phones, and a whole bunch of pubic hair.
  • My friend said she thought it was so cute how me and my girlfriend always hold hands. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's because if I let go she goes shopping.
  • How funny is it when you're telling somebody a made-up story and someone says "Oh yeah I heard about that?"