HILARIOUS FACEBOOK STATUSES

• Biggest Social Networking Crime: You haven’t seen someone for years; you vaguely recognize their name but not their face. They add you as a friend on Facebook and then after you accept them, you never hear from them again. 
• is it just me, or does everyone have two email addresses? One for normal emails between friends and work, the other for spontaneously registering on random websites. 
• You post constant status updates about what TV show you're watching and what you're eating for dinner. You're not allowed to whine when people get excited for football once a week. 
•   The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates! 
•   I'm thinking of re-releasing my old statuses in 3D. 
•   Facebook is the Hotel California of the new millennium. You can log out any time you like, but you can never leave. 
•   My wife was watching a cooking show and I said ''Why are you watching that! You don't know how to cook Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go. !''..............She said ''Well you watch porn!!!!!!!!'' 
•   I don't trust people who like me the second we meet. I'm an acquired taste.     

HILARIOUS FACEBOOK STATUSES

• If I have to buy you a present when you get married, then you have to buy me a present when you get divorced. It's only fair. 
• I don't know why people say something is better if you work for it. Personally, I love being handed awesome sh*t through no effort of my own. 
•   I really wish sleep came in roll-over minutes. 
•   I wish I had a room in my house that had zero gravity. 
•   I'd rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries. 
•   Profanity is most useful when you need to hide your inability to recall the right word in a heated moment. 
•   She is so slutty, her facebook wall has a glory hole!
•   You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you. 
•   If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me instead.