Tuesday, November 20, 2012


  1. I didn't want to wake up this morning and go to work. It's not that I don't like my job, it's just that I like being lazy more.
  2. If you don't like seeing me naked in the morning... then I suggest you change the timer on your lawn sprinkler system!
  3. Just did my morning run!! (from the bed to the bathroom) I feel so invigorated.
  4. I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" He said "I don't know." I replied "I'm not coming in this morning"
  5. My illegal housekeeper and I cancelled each others votes yesterday. Not sure what she said this morning but we high fived and laughed.
  6. Call-in sick every morning to somewhere you don't work
  7. This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that's also the last time I'll buy cheap toilet paper.
  8. Dumping a whole can of kernel corn in toilet just to freak out the morning office staff.
  9. I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
  10. My wife said "Good morning " and that's how the fight started.
  11. I was walking down the street to work this morning and a guy was sitting on the sidewalk. He held out a cup of change and asked "spare change?". I said "sure, thanks man!" And took the cup. Some People are really nice.
  12. I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.
  13. I'm sorry boss, I know I said I’d do that report this morning. But the girl next to me on the train was wearing a short skirt, & I forgot I even had a job.
  14. If at the end of the day you have the same number of kids you started out with that morning, then you’ve done your job as a parent.
  15. My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
  16. Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
  17. I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment. We just sleep together every night and wake up together every morning.
  18. Best childhood memory: Falling asleep on the couch, then waking up in your bed the next morning.
  19. People have an option to sleep but are still jogging at 6 in the morning in this cold.
  20. I don't understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button eight times this morning and feel like a champion
  21. Very little happens at 3 o’clock in the morning, but when it does, it’s usually very memorable.
  22. I feel like I woke up an hour too early this morning
  23. If you want to be successful in life just tell yourself this each morning ''I am smart. intelligent, qualified. now if a job would just come available I'll get it!
  24. Saying you’ll wake up early in the morning to get something done, then in the morning convincing yourself it’s not important.
  25. I don't like morning people...or mornings...or people.

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