Friday, December 14, 2012


Merry Christmas and a Happy New year. Well, it's that time of the year when some people spend most of their year savings on gifts, parties and other crazy stuffs. SPEND WISELY MY READER, I still need you here next year. Those traveling travel safely.
Remember DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE HAPPY HOLIDAYS' TO Y'ALL. To those who believe the world is gonna end on 21st Dec 2012, I've something to beg of you, please divide your fortune equally amongst those of us who believe that that is bull-crap!
Lets hook up on my FACEBOOK PAGE and feel free to post your epic Holiday status there.

Here are some awesome Christmas Statuses just for you:

  1. _____I find it extremely rude when you open a card & there's no money inside.
  2. _____ Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.
  3. _____Santa saw your Facebook pictures. …You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
  4. _____ It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! People are definitely getting in the holiday spirit, CRABBY, GRABBY and RUDE!
  5. _____ Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.(After Christmas)
  6. _____ Even before my very first birthday I was able to sense it was Christmas time. wasn't Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, Nativity scenes, or a Christmas Tree. It was because my mom put eggnog in my bottle.
  7. _____ I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard.
  8. _____ Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.
  9. _____My lack of Christmas shopping is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right.
  10. _____Any of my friends who believe the "Mayan's Prediction" please let me know as soon as possible. Your opinion will only be based on this years Christmas gifts. Thanks.
  11. _____ I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
  12. _____Its That time of the year to start wearing my Christmas outfit. Its all black, I have less chances of being seen when I am out at night rearranging peoples yard deer in to sex poses. I just feel Christmas needs more Ninjas!
  13. _____ It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year.
  14. _____ No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!
  15. _____Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.
  16. _____ I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
  17. _____I bought the Christmas Oreos... So don't tell me I don't have holiday spirit.
  18. _____ Dear Coworkers, all I want for Christmas is you... to not talk to me before 9am.
  19. _____If you invite me to your Christmas party, you can count on me to quietly eat the entire cheese plate, say nothing to anyone, and leave.
  20. _____Nothing is more sad than a gift card that says "Cannot be used for the purchase of alcohol."
  21. _____ I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!
  22. _____Christmas shopping done.... I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. "Sorry, the world was suppose to end so I didn't get you anything. Blame the Mayans!"
  23. _____ This Christmas, let's put mistletoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!
  24. _____Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
  25. _____You know it was a good Christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.
  26. _____I'm like the fruit cake of my family. Nobody likes me but I show up every Christmas anyway.
  27. _____I tried writing one of those braggy, family Christmas letters,, but it just started looking like a suicide note.

Want some more funny, creative and witty status updates?
  1. _____Everyone else could have their eyes shut, runny noses and food in their teeth but if I look thin, it's a GREAT group photo.
  2. _____I gauge a person's wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
  3. _____I hate when my customers send angry emails to my boss just because I answered all of their questions with "Google it, fuckface."
  4. _____I would organize my thoughts but I'm afraid they would form a union and demand benefits.
  5. _____I saw some girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off. So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.(classic)
  6. _____Today I caught my grandpa urinating with the door open. Which is no big deal, but it's annoying when I'm trying to drive.
  7. _____Nothing makes me happier at work than walking into the shitter and all the stalls are empty.

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Funny Friday Status updates


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