Funny, Epic Facebook Statuses | Just to cheer you up

1. The world is 4 trillion in debt. Just exactly which planet do we owe it to?
2. Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
3. If you think you aren't creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
4. WHen some one says "Hey, can I borrow a pen?", I think *Hmmm, which pen do I not need back?*
5. When I don't know the answer, I never say "I don't know", because that will make me seem stupid. Instead I say "I hesitate to factually articulate in fear I may deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy."
6. Don't you just hate it when you finally get the courage to confess your love to someone and they just stare at you, meow and walk away.
7. Sorry, I`m busy creating scenarios in my mind that I know will never come true
8. The awkward moment when you think a customer is a salesperson.
9. Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for their love, so I think you can at least answer my text message.
10. Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I've been using them for all this time?
11. I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
12. I swear, school wouldn't be half as bad if we didn't have to wake up so damn early.
13. My favorite activity is pretending that I can sing.
14. I’d like to know what Obama or Romney propose to do about bathroom mirror profile pictures.
15. I’d like to know what Obama or Romney propose to do about Youtube buffering.
16. If you think my status is pointed at you.. you must have done something in the beginning to think its you I'm talking about
17. I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn't in a band any more.
18. I wish politicians cared half as much about doing their job as they do about getting elected.