Monday, December 3, 2012


  1. _____Monday is one of my favorite days of the week. My 7th favorite.(Funny Monday status)
  2. _____If I ever write a suicide note, I’m going to start it off with “As of today, I am officially announcing my resignation…”(Epic)
  3. _____I never think about eating healthier but when I do, it's while I'm eating junk food. (Funny food status)
  4. _____People with "KEEP OUT" signs in their yard grossly overestimate our desire to come visit them. (Funny Sign status)
  5. _____You know you're getting older when...At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.(Funny Breakfast status)
  6. _____I got kicked out the pool today, apparently the breaststroke isn't what I thought it was.(Funny Swimming status)
  7. _____Do I want to punch people in the face who answer their own rhetorical questions? Yes. (Epic)
  8. _____I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...(Funny Office status)
  9. _____Depresso: When you've run out of coffee. (Funny Coffee Status)
  10. _____I wonder if one day somebody will ever come and knock on my door and tell me “Hey we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook", Can I come in? (Epic)
  11. _____You find out who your real friends are when all you have left to offer is friendship.(Funny Friendship status)
  12. _____Wonder what Facebook employees do to waste time at work?(Epic)
  13. _____My boss pulled up in his new car today so I complimented him on it. He responded " if you set your goals, work hard and execute, I can buy an even better one next year" (Funny office status)
  14. _____I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom. I can't believe it.. She's a superhero!(Funny Mom status)
  15. _____A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.(Funny Santa status )
  16. _____A hundred years from now, people will wonder why so many photos of their ancestors involve the subject standing in the bathroom holding a thin rectangular device at shoulder level.(Photos Funny status)