Wednesday, February 20, 2013

FEBRUARY 2013 STATUS UPDATES ABOUT METEORITE, POPE AND PISTORIUS


Like I've always said, people will always come out with jokes out of any situation. It's amazing how creative some people can be. People don't depend on those same old jokes pasted allover the internet anymore. Well, here's a compilation of some of this funny, creative, witty, hilarious and some sad status updates thanks to the incidents happened in mid this month.

Pistorius:

  1. ____First Tiger Woods, then Lance Amsteong & now Oscar Pistorius.. I think Nike should start telling their athletes "Don't Do It".
  2. ____I'm interested to find out what the police have Oscar Pistorius’s height listed as.
  3. ____Oscar Pistorius brings a whole new meaning to taking your missus out on Valentine’s Day.
  4. ____If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts.
  5. ____Having a wee laugh there imagining Oscar Pistorius being found innocent then outraging the world by marrying his gun.
  6. ____Roses are Red Violets are Glorious, Never Sneak up on Oscar Pistorius
  7. ____Oscar Pistorius brings a whole new meaning to taking your missus out on Valentine’s Day.
  8. ____Oscar Pistorius will try and plead temporary insanity! I personally do not think he has a leg to stand on!!

Meteorite:

  1. ____Definitions: It is an "Asteroid" when traveling through space. It becomes a "Meteor" once it enters Earth's atmosphere. It is a "Meteorite" once it hits the ground. And it is "holymotherofgodwhatthehelljusthappened?!?" if it hits anywhere near you.
  2. ____Ok, when are Mayans going to claim responsibility for the Meteorite attack on Russia?
  3. ____I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn't affect the price of Vodka!
  4. ____I think it is high time Obama gets serious on meteorite control.
  5. ____Looking at those meteorite videos from Chelyabinsk. I have learned Russians have very bad radio stations.
  6. ____Just checking if anyone on the other side of the planet has been blown up yet? Maybe been hit by a flaming meteorite? Mayan zombie hordes roaming the streets? Nope? Just want to know if I have to set my alarm to get up for work tomorrow...cheers
  7. ____Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?
  8. ____Putting vodka in my juice, because it's Russia somewhere.
  9. ____In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us
  10. ____Since they can't seem to find any fragments from the meteor, anybody else thinking it was Wonder woman drinking and driving again?
  11. ____Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
  12. ____A massive meteor hit Russia injuring hundreds. Rihanna insists the meteor has changed & that everyone should give the meteor another chance.
  13. ____I wish that stupid meteorite would have hit my place of work during my day off.
  14. ____That Russian meteor footage is anice reminder that we are flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof.
  15. ____I have to say I was a pretty stunned when heard the news and saw the video about the meteorite slamming into Russia. Thank God we live in the United States. Bruce Willis & Ben Affleck would have never let this happen to us. They would have blown it to smithereens before it ever reached the atmosphere.
  16. ____I wonder if Sarah Palin could see the meteor from her house.

Pope:

  1. ____They say dress for the job you want not the job you have, so today I'm dressed like the Pope.
  2. ____The difference between my boss and the pope is The pope only expects me to kiss his ring
  3. ____The Pope mobile: Because nothing says "I have faith in God!" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.
  4. ____if I sneeze and you're sitting next to me, it is acceptable to bless me. If I sneeze and you're 50 feet across the room from me, no need to shout at me unless you're the pope."
  5. ____Pretty sure the pope secretly has Marge Simpson hair
  6. ____Pope just changed his relationship status to It's Complicated...
  7. ____The Pope is resigning, citing family reasons. He wants to spend more time with the kids.
  8. ____The other day Pope Benedict named five new saints to the Catholic Church. Some, however, are questioning whether Obama deserved it.
  9. ____The attack on the Pope was really his own fault. After all he was wearing Axe Body Spray.
  10. ____I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
  11. ____Yes, I admit it. I want to see the Dalai Lama arm wrestle the Pope...
  12. ____I would consider becoming Catholic if they made Batman Pope.
  13. ____Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.
  14. ____I see all these dark smoke signals coming from my neighbor's house & all I can think is, "How long can it take for him to elect a new Pope?"
  15. ____Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. We're not sure if Lady Gaga has one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses it. What is it? A last name.
  16. ____Not a good month for roman numerals, first SB XLVII pulls the plug, now Pope Benedict XVI aborts.
  17. ____I'm surprised the Pope didn't tweet from an Android, considering humanity and God's experience with apples.
  18. ____The Pope is resigning. He will soon be known as Ex-Benedict.
  19. ____The Pope is really setting a high bar for giving something up for Lent.
  20. ____Don't worry, Pope Benedict XVI, I get it. Mondays make me want to quit my job too.
  21. ____I expect Obama to name himself the new Pope soon.....
  22. ____A horse walks into a bar. "Too late," says the bartender, "we're joking about the pope now."
  23. ____So the Pope walks into a bar........ because now he can.
  24. ____Looks like the Pope is headed for the old popes home..
  25. ____"I'll retire when Whitney Houston stays sober for a year" - Pope Benedict XVI, 2012.
  26. ____They should just make Sarah Palin pope. She can see heaven from her back yard.
  27. ____The Pope just wanted to prove he was a good Catholic by pulling out before finishing the job.
  28. ____You know the economy is bad when God start laying off people.
  29. ____New speculations have arose that the Pope is resigning after being Catfished into believing he had a girlfriend by the same guy as Mantiteo.
  30. ____A lot of people are mad at the Pope for aborting his duties, but I feel like it's his body and he should be able to choose.
  31. ____I can't even imagine how awkward it was when the Pope told his boss he was quitting.
  32. ____I don't have a job and the church needs a new pope, this could be good for me.

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