FUNNY EASTER HOLIDAYS STATUS UPDATES

1. ____Here is an Easter time saving tip - don't waste time coloring the eggs. It will make them easier to hide in the snow...
2. ____We have the laziest Easter Bunny here....He didn't bother cooking or coloring the eggs and he hid them all in my fridge.
3. ____Fried rabbit and eggs on this Easter morning...sorry if this was the last house the Easter bunny made it to.
4. ____The day after Easter should be known as Egg Salad Monday.
5. ____I am not religious but I am grateful for this easter holiday, in fact I am grateful for any holiday that mean I don't have to go to work.
6. ____For Easter I'm gonna get really drunk and hide a whole bunch of eggs, wake up sober and have an Easter egg hunt with myself!
7. ____It is a tradition in my family to put a one hundred dollar bill in a plastic Easter egg and hide it along with all the other eggs. I have collected the reward for 15 years in a row, also this is how long I have been designated the "hider."
8. ____Decided to have an Easter egg hunt this year. The golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. Who said we were too old for Easter?
9. ____When you're parents accuse you of lying to them, just look them in the eye and say; SANTA CLAUSE! EASTER BUNNY! TOOTH FAIRY!" and walk away like a boss.
10. ____I JUST WON MY EASTER EGG HUNT!!! Those 8 year olds didn't stand a chance to my pushing and sprinting. It was kinda like taking candy from a baby!
11. ____They tell us not to put all our eggs in one basket, then Easter comes and they only give us one basket!
12. ____Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
13. ____If you happen to see a bunny laying brown eggs, do not eat them. ITS NOT CHOCOLATE!!!! HAPPY EASTER!!!!
14. ____Nails didn't keep Christ on the cross, His love for you did. Have a Happy Easter.
15. ____You know telling the kids that the Easter bunny is watching just doesn't have the same power as Santa is watching!

FUNNY CHRISTMAS STATUS UPDATES

Merry Christmas and a Happy New year. Well, it's that time of the year when some people spend most of their year savings on gifts, parties and other crazy stuffs. SPEND WISELY MY READER, I still need you here next year. Those traveling travel safely.
Remember DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE HAPPY HOLIDAYS' TO Y'ALL. To those who believe the world is gonna end on 21st Dec 2012, I've something to beg of you, please divide your fortune equally amongst those of us who believe that that is bull-crap!

Lets hook up on my FACEBOOK PAGE and feel free to post your epic Holiday status there.

Here are some awesome Christmas Statuses just for you:

1. _____I find it extremely rude when you open a card & there's no money inside.
2. _____ Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.
3. _____Santa saw your Facebook pictures. …You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
4. _____ It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! People are definitely getting in the holiday spirit, CRABBY, GRABBY and RUDE!
5. _____ Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.(After Christmas)
6. _____ Even before my very first birthday I was able to sense it was Christmas time. No...it wasn't Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, Nativity scenes, or a Christmas Tree. It was because my mom put eggnog in my bottle.
7. _____ I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard.
8. _____ Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.
9. _____My lack of Christmas shopping is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right.
10. _____Any of my friends who believe the "Mayan's Prediction" please let me know as soon as possible. Your opinion will only be based on this years Christmas gifts. Thanks.
11. _____ I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
12. _____Its That time of the year to start wearing my Christmas outfit. Its all black, I have less chances of being seen when I am out at night rearranging peoples yard deer in to sex poses. I just feel Christmas needs more Ninjas!
13. _____ It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year.
14. _____ No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!
15. _____Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.
16. _____ I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
17. _____I bought the Christmas Oreos... So don't tell me I don't have holiday spirit.
18. _____ Dear Coworkers, all I want for Christmas is you... to not talk to me before 9am.
19. _____If you invite me to your Christmas party, you can count on me to quietly eat the entire cheese plate, say nothing to anyone, and leave.
20. _____Nothing is more sad than a gift card that says "Cannot be used for the purchase of alcohol."
21. _____ I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!
22. _____Christmas shopping done.... I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. "Sorry, the world was suppose to end so I didn't get you anything. Blame the Mayans!"
23. _____ This Christmas, let's put mistletoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!
24. _____Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
25. _____You know it was a good Christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.
26. _____I'm like the fruit cake of my family. Nobody likes me but I show up every Christmas anyway.
27. _____I tried writing one of those braggy, family Christmas letters,, but it just started looking like a suicide note.

Want some more funny, creative and witty status updates?

1. _____Everyone else could have their eyes shut, runny noses and food in their teeth but if I look thin, it's a GREAT group photo.
2. _____I gauge a person's wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
3. _____I hate when my customers send angry emails to my boss just because I answered all of their questions with "Google it, fuckface."
4. _____I would organize my thoughts but I'm afraid they would form a union and demand benefits.
5. _____I saw some girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off. So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.(classic)
6. _____Today I caught my grandpa urinating with the door open. Which is no big deal, but it's annoying when I'm trying to drive.
7. _____Nothing makes me happier at work than walking into the shitter and all the stalls are empty.

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Funny Friday Status updates

NEW FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES

1. _____Monday is one of my favorite days of the week. My 7th favorite.(Funny Monday status)
2. _____If I ever write a suicide note, I’m going to start it off with “As of today, I am officially announcing my resignation…”(Epic)
3. _____I never think about eating healthier but when I do, it's while I'm eating junk food. (Funny food status)
4. _____People with "KEEP OUT" signs in their yard grossly overestimate our desire to come visit them. (Funny Sign status)
5. _____You know you're getting older when...At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.(Funny Breakfast status)
6. _____I got kicked out the pool today, apparently the breaststroke isn't what I thought it was.(Funny Swimming status)
7. _____Do I want to punch people in the face who answer their own rhetorical questions? Yes. (Epic)
8. _____I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...(Funny Office status)
9. _____Depresso: When you've run out of coffee. (Funny Coffee Status)
10. _____I wonder if one day somebody will ever come and knock on my door and tell me “Hey we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook", Can I come in? (Epic)
11. _____You find out who your real friends are when all you have left to offer is friendship.(Funny Friendship status)
12. _____Wonder what Facebook employees do to waste time at work?(Epic)
13. _____My boss pulled up in his new car today so I complimented him on it. He responded " if you set your goals, work hard and execute, I can buy an even better one next year" (Funny office status)
14. _____I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom. I can't believe it.. She's a superhero!(Funny Mom status)
15. _____A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.(Funny Santa status )
16. _____A hundred years from now, people will wonder why so many photos of their ancestors involve the subject standing in the bathroom holding a thin rectangular device at shoulder level.(Photos Funny status)