VALENTINE'S DAY STATUS UPDATES

Happy Valentine's Day to you all.

1. _____My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much.
2. _____The only card I want for Valentine's is VISA.
3. _____I always Like to wear black on Valentine's day.
4. _____Seriously, do I look like a Valentine's person?
5. _____You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up!
6. _____Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman Priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?
7. _____ A candlelight dinner with long stemmed roses sounds like a deadly combination for my inflatable valentine.
8. _____Now taking applications for a VALENTINE. Apply below.
9. _____ Valentines advance: If she went to the party, watched the entire Super Bowl and has a good time with you, then washed the dishes, cleaned up home, did laundry, washed your car and cooked the dinner… then she is definitely a Valentine material!
10. _____From all of us lonely hearts to you cuddly bastards on Valentine's day, we wish you cold sores and itchy rashes.
11. _____I really wish I could kiss you on Valentines day but that's not gonna happen.
12. _____Will you be my Valentine for an hour... We won't exchange gifts and we'll skip the night out and just make love?
13. _____My home made Valentines Day cards say "Would let you lick all the cookie batter off the spoon." That shit says you care...
14. _____From the moment our eyes first met, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life... trying to avoid you!
15. _____I'm going to spend Valentine's day with my x..... Box 360.
16. _____Valentine's is near and love is in the air. Don't breathe.
17. _____Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and the "D" come together.
18. _____Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living?
19. _____So do you call her at midnight to wish her Happy Valentine's Day? Or it can wait till morning? What's the procedure on these things?
20. _____I wonder why folks celebrating the demise of a poor priest as 'Happy Valentine's Day' with such a festive mood.. It's 'RIP San Valentín'!
21. _____Happy Valentine's Day for those who's got a valentine. I'm just gonna watch romantic movies and eat chocolate because I'm alone.

Well, for those who want some cool, romantic messages, here are some:

1. _____Loving you is like breathing-so essential and important to remain alive.
2. _____You always know exactly how I feel and you are always there to make me feel alright when I stay far away from you... It is love that keep the connection between us so strong.
3. _____Calming me down when I am angry, understanding my silly ways even when I do not find words to express myself and still loving me so much... how do you do it all?
4. _____Your presence in my life brings loving thoughts within my heart, wonderful smiles on my face and peace in my soul.
5. _____You are not mine, but still I don't know why I am afraid of losing you.
6. _____Last night I matched every star with a reason for loving you. I ran out of stars because my love is countless.
7. _____When the days are dark and the nights are long, I shall be with you to make you feel good.
8. _____The way you wake me up and hold me in your arms every morning makes for a great start of my day, and I know you will always make me feel this special no matter how much we grow old.
9. _____I always wanted someone who will understand me and make me go beyond my weakness to achieve my goals, and in you I found my love. I love you more every day.
10. _____I will wait for you till dawn even if it is the darkest night.

10 FUNNY STATUS UPDATES

1. _____Remember when there was a time limit on the drinking fountain as a kid? They need that at the Red-box! (Funny drinking status)
2. _____I think there should be a special place in hell for whoever invented those strings of Christmas lights that wont work at all or blink half assed because one damn bulb is blown! (Funny Christmas status)
3. _____Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the fuck down.(Funny broke status)
4. _____If my wife ever have sex with someone else I'll hunt that man down and then ask him his secret.(Funny relationship status)
5. _____Dear Friday, What the hell took you so long? Is that b*tch Thursday blocking your way again? (Funny Friday status)
6. _____My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bullshit. It's our sixth season together.(funny relationship status)
7. _____Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn't proof that you can effectively work as part of a team.(Funny interview status)
8. _____The first time I got married I thought I was marrying a nymphomaniac. After a few months the nympho left and I was left with the maniac.(Funny relationship status)
9. _____That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.(Funny food status)
10. _____From time to time I like to get in touch with my feminine side, So every now and again I'll throw something with my left hand.(Epic)